Review of Khold - Morke Gravers Kammer

I do not fucking understand the world. I understand the appeal of Khanate. I understand the appeal of Merzbow. I even understand the appeal of Dream Theatre, for christ's sake. What I don't understand is the appeal of Khold.

I first heard of Khold a few years back with their amazingly titled release, Masterpiss of Pain. Of course, I went out and had a casual listen and decided it didn't really interest me. Before I reviewed this album, I went back and listened to it again and it's not that much different than Mørke Gravers Kammer, only for some reason it's vastly more interesting in contrast. It's nice to see that in three years, not only has Khold kept the same sound, they've actually "refined" it by making it more sterile and less inventive.

Khold sound like an unenergetic Darkthrone or maybe Tullus, I believe that's probably the easiest way to put it. Probably the only thing that would set Khold apart from the rest of the Norweigan black metal scene is the fact that they play with absurd sluggishness. I'm guessing this is part of their supposed appeal - hearing the pure, grim, evil, and frostbitten music of satan played with absolutely no vigor. Technically, it sounds the way black metal should, if you don't take into consideration factors like speed and originality. Undoubtably I'm sure a catalogue description would include the words "raw" and "primitive". Well, it's 2004 now - I think we've all heard our share of raw and primitive bullshit by now.

It's not even that it's too slow - it's the fact that it's devoid of anything interesting. If Khold decided to get all fucked up on crank and play a song, it'd still be fucking boring. Strumming full minor chords and the occasional chugging power chords to a series of drum beats that could probably be played with one hand, I can't imagine what the fuck the intent of this music is. They even found a way to make the bass; which isn't ever that interesting in black metal; even more cumbersome and needless by making it follow exactly along with the rhythm guitar. It's the same fucking drumbeat, the same fucking riff, and the same fucking goblin vocal line over and over again. Really disturbing when you keep in mind that members of Khold are/were actually in bands like Tulus, Old Man's Child, and even Red Harvest.

Production-wise, Mørke Gravers Kammer isn't horrid. There's a lot of reverb on the guitar and even the shitty bass is completely audible. It doesnt have that intentionally under-produced sound that I personally would assume they'd have, and that could be part of the problem. Everything's pretty clear. Perhaps if they had shittier production, I might be convinced that they're doing something a little different that I just couldn't pick up on. I feel like I'm being melted by a grim and necro magnifying glass.

Darkthrone was one of those bands that I didn't really "get" right away, but you could tell that they at least had some sort of passion for what they were playing. It almost seems like even Khold doesn't want to be playing their record. I can't even consider what the hell it'd be like to see this band live, let alone be one of the people actually playing this shit. I'd rather go punch myself in the dick for a few hours before releasing an album like this. But hell, maybe it's just something I just don't "get". Maybe I'll spend a few hours cutting my arms with an Abruptum CD, then come back to declare Mørke Gravers Kammer a musical masterpiece. But probably not.

Release Details

Khold

Morke Gravers Kammer

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