Review of Adversarial - All Idols Fall Before The Hammer

Hmm…cool intro. It sounds like these guys mean business. PING-PING-PING-PING! Good lord! What the fuck is that? PING-PING-PING-PING! Jesus Christ, did Bob Rock produce this? PING-PING-PING-PING! That’s the St. Anger snare sound, or I’m aPING-PING-PING-PING! Ok, when drums drop out, this is actually pretty interesPING-PING-PING-PING! Arrrgh! PING-PING-PING-PING- PING-PING-PING-PING- PING-PING-PING-PING- PING-PING-PING-PING!

Alright, that was six minutes of torture, but maybe they only used that sound for one song. PING-PING-PING-PING! Shit. PING-PING-PING-PING- PING-PING-PING-PING! Fuck me, this guy never stops with the blast beats. PING-PING-PING-PING! It’s like he knows it’s annoying as fuck, PING-PING-PING-PING! and he’s doing it on purpose. PING-PING-PING-PING! That’s a shame, because it seems like there might be PING-PING-PING-PING! some pretty PING-PING-PING-PING! good PING-PING-PING-PING! music PING-PING-PING-PING! under PING-PING-PING-PING! all the PING-PING-PING-PING! This sounds kinda like Immolation meets PING-PING-PING-PING! Deathspell Omega PING-PING-PING-PING! or old Immortal meets PING-PING-PING-PING! The Chasm, PING-PING-PING-PING! maybe. PING-PING-PING-PING! Fuck, it could be Dark Funeral meets Jungle Rot for all that I can hear it. PING-PING-PING-PING! Well, perhaps I’ll get used to it PING-PING-PING-PING- PING-PING-PING-PING- PING-PING-PING-PING- PING-PING-PING-PING- PING-PING-PING-PING! Nope, still annoying as fuck. PING-PING-PING-PING!

It looks like I caught a break here on track four; they’re going for some atmosphere. Two whole minutes without a blast beat, so far. Too bad the only track I can hear is an instrumental mood piece. I can only imagine how pissed I’d be if I spent all that time and probably a considerable amount of money to bring my music to life, only to end up with little more than a thirty minute, one note steel drum solo. What a waste. If I was Adversarial, I’d shoot the producer in the face. Shit, I only have to listen to the album, and I’m ready to kill the motherfucker myself. How the fuck am I going to score this, anyway? Production is obviously a zero, but I’m going to have to guess at the songwriting and musicianship.

PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING! Aaaand they’re back. PING-PING-PING-PING! That respite was all too brief. PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING! Holy shit! We have a riff. Track five 3:01; that is definitely a riff. PING-PING-PING-PING! Hey, I can still kind of hear it under the PING-PING-PING-PING! Aw shucks, now it’s gone. PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING! Whoa, what’s this, two audible riffs in one song? Bonanza! This section definitely sounds like Immolation. Oops, that was the outro. Oh well, it was nice while it lasted.

Oh, don’t even think I’m falling for the mellow intro shit. I know what’s coming. …. …. …. … … … … Still not buying it… … …. … PING-PING-PING-PING! Ha! I knew it. PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING! Listening to this album is like watching porn PING-PING-PING-PING! on a scrambled cable channel. PING-PING-PING-PING! Ooh, I think I see a titty! PING-PING-PING-PING! Or is that an elbow? PING-PING-PING-PING! Bingo! We’ve got bush! PING-PING-PING-PING! Aw shit! PING-PING-PING-PING! That’s an armpit! PING-PING-PING-PING! What is this European porn? PING-PING-PING! Get a razor, you fucking hippies! PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING!

Alright, two tracks to go. PING-PING-PING-PING! Suck it up, soldier. PING-PING-PING-PING! You can make it. PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING-PING! Aw, fuck it.

Release Details

Adversarial

All Idols Fall Before The Hammer

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