Summon The Stone Throwers
posted on 6/2010 By:
Straight out of New York city comes the "epic" metal-playing duo, Realmbuilder. Sadly, the only thing epic about Summon The Stone Throwers is its failure. Its tracks are filled with the type of monotony and blandness that will make you drowsy, yet prevent you from falling asleep out of fear that the album will somehow have a permanent, negative impact on your subconsciousness. If you plan on listening to this album all the way through, I suggest taking breaks in-between each song. If, during your listen, you find yourself staring complacently at the ceiling waiting for your nose to bleed while hesitant to double-click onto the next track, it's time to give up on Summon the Stone Throwers all-together. This album was made exclusively for the eccentric, the pretentious, and those with a very abnormal sense of humor.
Instead of marketing Summon The Stone Throwers as a soundtrack to ancient landscapes of forgotten lore, Realmbuilder should have pitched it to the makers of South Park for "Heroin Hero." Summon The Stone Throwers is reminiscent of those crisp, autumn afternoons I spent at coffee shops, listening to drugged-out street musicians perform endless, impromptu opuses. Although I can't be certain, I'd be willing to bet that they were joking more times than not. There's no doubt that Summon The Stone Throwers would be a much more enjoyable listen if massive amounts of alcohol came along with it, but I am unfortunately incapable of writing anything in such a state of inebriation. If "Ninety Nine Raids" doesn't make you want to turn the album off, then my guess is you probably enjoy watching Troll 2 and playing Super Pitfall. This album possesses a similar type of awesomeness to the aforementioned late-eighties atrocities, and is further proof that some bad music can still be enjoyable.
If the abnormally high vocal tracks aren't enough to give you a seizure, then Czar's immediately recognizable, erratic tone will. The accompanying backup vocals wouldn't be bad if they actually had something substantial to go along with. Aside from the guitar solos, which are the only redeeming quality of Summon The Stone Throwers, the album is very dull and nearly void of all emotion.The drums are incredibly minimalistic, and at times have no presence whatsoever. Although every track is uniquely painful to listen to, "The Tarnished Crown" might take the cake. The difficulty of producing something this unbearable can be compared that of failing a test. Surely, neglecting to study and skipping class will get you a below-passing grade on an exam. However, this will probably only get you down into the 50-59% category. In order to get anywhere from a 0%-20% on an exam, one must study quite diligently so that they can purposely get all of the answers wrong. The fact that J.H. Halberd (rhythm guitar, bass, backup vocalist) is actually an accomplished music professor perfectly demonstrates this point, and that complete ineptitude is actually a trait possessed by only few.
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