Bitchslicer
Lycanthropic Fellatio
5.5
You don’t have to be an expert on Bitchslicer to understand where these guys are coming from. It’s all about sloppy old-school thrash with offensively juvenile lyrics and crappy production. This is absolutely not an album to take too seriously, but on the flipside, with so many CDs of this nature already out there aiming to get a belly laugh and a squeamish cringe, does the music on this offer at least a few cool genuine moments of real metal to latch on to? Surprisingly enough it does, but in the end I’d hardly recommend this disc to anyone who doesn’t already have a soft spot for this sort of thing.
Lycanthropic Fellatio will probably appeal to those who like to occasionally dumb themselves down and feel a little dirty, like watching a really bad/good B-grade horror flick while drinking cheap beer and smoking not-so-primo greens. The drums, bass drums specifically, sound like someone is hitting cardboard boxes with a kielbasa sausage, with a mix that really does a number on stereo speakers. The music itself is straight out of the 80’s third-tier thrash realm, with a few messy nods to Hallows Eve, Juggernaut, and Liege Lord, along with a few sludgy moments peppered with dissonance (“Sabertooth”). They dismiss blasts and modern stomping breakdowns for basic speed metal pacing, but I get a Suicidal Tendencies punk vibe from songs like “SK8 Or Die” while paying some attention to precision among the slop during “Revenge Of The Green Skull”, and “Night Of The Demons” features classic riffs inspired by early British heavy metal more than grindcore. For the most part, this is a very ‘metal’ album that isn’t as silly or childish as you‘d be led to believe, and I need to point out the caustic industrial vibe of “Bitchslicer vs. The Police (w/ Cranial Rectosis)”, the acoustic opener “Death Of The Green Skull”, and ambient instrumental “Black Echo” were strange, out of place tunes that made me take notice in a good way.
Of course, you shouldn’t expect anything especially brilliant, with songs such as “Necroanalingus” and “Dripping Creampie Kittens” clocking in at a brief 0:10, and the longest proper tune stretched all the way to 3:27, everything is pretty blunt and wastes no time. Vocalist/guitarist King Gary has an uneventful singing voice, yelling in more of a cracked hardcore style than anything thrash or grind oriented. “Snuffed II” throws in some cool rapid-fire leads, and the dueling “Unholy Trinity Pt.1: The Crucifixion” and “Unholy Trinity Pt.2: The Resurrection” (I know, it’s a Trinity with no 3rd part, I don’t get it either) tracks are nice to bang around to and drunkenly shout out the brief, stupid lyrics. The closing noise track “Legends Of The Green Skull” is 46:50 long, and loops the same basic droning pattern to the point of curing insomnia, but it’s the odd inclusions of GG Allin’s “Gimme Some Head”, and the bizarre Willie Nelson tribute “Mommas” that make this a hard album to hate even if every fiber of your being wants to reject it.
The score above is based on the fact that I got more than I was anticipating with Lycanthropic Fellatio, not very much, but it wasn't torture to listen to. Yes, it’s sick, tongue-in-cheek stuff that only collectors of the genre should go out of their way to get, but if you should happen to come across this disc and have a minute or seven to give it a quick spin, you won’t be too ashamed of yourself for trying it out. The band name is ridiculous, as are the song titles & lyrics (“Frankenstoned”, and the 0:09 “Legalize Bestiality””…I mean, c’mon), but I’ve heard many other albums of this nature that are far more insulting to my intelligence than this one. Bitchslicer is entertaining and good for a laugh, but you might want to save your pennies for the new Municipal Waste instead.
