Children of Nar / Sars the Attack
Global Assault
6.1
Without any reservation whatsoever, I must state outright that this is the strangest review I have ever had to write. Throw everything musical that you have ever absorbed out the window because this split is going to require some serious rethinking.
The screechy guy from 3 Inches of Blood comes immediately to mind when thinking of Children of Nar's vocalist. That is the easiest observation anyone could make when describing their sound, because everything else is so mutated it makes Michael Jackson seem natural. There are synths, classic hard rock riffs, recognizable choruses and spoken word breaks within the songs themselves.
"Ninja Magic" opens with a cartoonish, elementary rap that reminds me of both Crank Yankers in its tone and Jamie Kennedy in delivery. Enter weird synth party before a mid-period Suicidal Tendencies riff takes over and we're lost again in the wonderfully complex chorus where the words "Ninja Magic" are repeated over and over again. Unfortunately, I am not joking. The band contributes two more songs but they aren't any easier to describe and are just as easily filed in the alternative listening/hard rock humor bin.
Children of Nar are not without talent but their very unique vision will appeal only to very unique individuals who not only find the humor but the musical validity in such a cluster$%#^ed affair. Either the humor went over my head or the jokes fall flat. I am willing to bet on the latter.
Sars the Attack is similarly strange, but somehow the more tolerable of the two bands present on the Global Assault split. "Mike Denta" opens with a fast, down-tuned riff that sounds like something Soulfly trashed on their last album before it breaks into a thinly layered drum beat and lazily falls back into the nu-metal riff for the finale. *Yawn*. "Sars the Theme" is a condensed yell session consisting of the word "Attack" being screamed over a very simple but more "metal" sounding riff than anything heard on the Children of Nar half. About 1:20 into "Scene Cut Salon" we're treated to the sweetest moment on the split when the guitarist, seemingly out of nowhere, breaks into an uber-melodic lead. In all honesty, it's impressive and I would have liked to hear more of that throughout the split.
While Sars the Attack were a better listen than Children of Nar, that ain't saying much. If the split were grade school and this were considered a fight, Children of Nar would be the snot-nosed kid with braces who brings an extra pair of pants to school everyday so he can change if he has an "accident" and Sars the Attack would be the curly haired dork with a potential limited only by an acute case of ADD. Slight advantage? Sars the Attack.
