Crowned
Self Titled
3.7
Sometimes there is a reason some records languish in the dregs of the queue here at METALREVIEW DOT COM. And that reason is almost never that the generous and thoughtful reviewers who write here selflessly want to leave the REALLY good stuff for me. Such is the case with Crowned's self titled demo tracks for their upcoming real record. At least I assume that's what this is. There is no singer, I can hear no bass, the drummer and guitarist are barely in the same time zone. So if this is not just the guide tracks to their real record.. someone needs to have a 20mm shell shot into their mouth.
Oh, no, wait... there is a bass playing. You can just barely make it out if you concentrate. Surprise surprise.
This is a bad record. It's a senseless record. It's an embarrassing record. It's an instrumental album made up of sloppy attempts at some kind of older death/thrash compositions. The thing is, if you are going to release an instrumental record you kind of need your shit together. Without the human interest of a vocalist to keep the music grounded, said music has to be special in its own right, and it has to be performed tightly and with panache. While these two guys can, respectively, play their shit, they don't sound like a band who has worked out their set with a lot of rehearsal and gigging. In fact, it sounds almost exactly like the kind of progress tapes I used to record on my old boom box after a band I was in had been together a couple of weeks, so I could study the shit and get it tight in my head. In other words, it sounds like a new band's fourth fucking rehearsal.
Bottom line: don't release half finished shit and call it a record. Get a singer, get a bass player - at LEAST, and get about a year of rehearsal. Then come and see me when you are a fucking band. Lest you think I am just taking this opportunity to wail on you fuckers, you have some good ideas creeping around on this. It's worth exploring, but you are not fucking ready to record and distribute this shit, demo or not.
Related
CrownedVacuous Spectral Silence
10/12/2012