Hellrazor
Feel The Sting
3.8
Everybody takes one for the team every once in awhile, and although I’m a shameless cherry picker when it comes to the review queue, it seems it’s my turn in the barrel. It brings me no pleasure to rain crap down on a band’s self released labor of love, but seriously, what the hell are you thinking, Hellrazor? Hair metal? In 2006? You’re two decades late for a party that sucked ass back in 1988. And by the looks of these guys, they were too young to have endured as fans the rise and fall of this horrific movement. Dark days. Nevertheless, these Canadians dragged me kicking and screaming back to the time when Aqua Net and bandanas ruled the world.
At their best, and I do mean their very best, Hellrazor incorporate a bit of Shout at the Devil-era Motley Crue into their otherwise squeaky clean rebel rock persona. The register and patterns of the vocals, the basslines, and most of the guitar work certainly hint that the band has spent some quality time air guitaring along to Crue, along with other L.A. metal acts like L.A. Guns, Faster Pussycat, and the deservingly maligned Poison. But despite what appears to be a genuine best effort, unfortunately, Hellrazor doesn’t have quite the um, talent that lurked underneath the spandex and eyeliner of their predecessors. They don’t totally botch it--they manage a few memorable hooks and some solid guitarwork, but we don’t exactly need a third rate Motley Crue tooling around when the tools from Motley Crue now fit the bill themselves.
It’s the same old hackneyed, formulaic stuff you remember from back in the day. Keep-it-simple-stupid structures, big harmonies and hooks, and syrupy faux rebellion still rule the vapid, inane day. In “Too Much is Never Enuff” the band proclaims, and I quote “Too much is never enuff/Too much is never Enuff/That’s why I say, it’s never enuff”. So true. Still, they realize the ride to the top will be tough, acknowledging, “This rock and roll dream, is not what it seems/All glamour and fame, women, money, cocaine/It’s not what you’re told/the road’s not made of gold/There’s nothing to do, so who needs you?” Okay, so they lost me with that last part, but at least the boys realize that every rose has its thorn. I could go on with this, but really what’s the point. Bottom line: if you go in for this kind of nonsense Hellrazor might be worth checking out, although they’re unlikely to make much of an impact on your (crappy) cd rotation. But I’m guessing that if you like this kind of music, that rather than searching underground metal sites for bands you’re probably picking up Monster Ballads off the endcap at Wal-Mart. Maybe Kip Winger will ring you up.
