Our Gangs Dark Oath
posted on 4/2006 By:
You ever see the Little Rascals? Ever wonder how the fuck they got to be ancient America's cherubic darlings? I now know, thanks to this revealing expose' on depression era child exploitation: Our Gang's Dark Oath. Apparently, Spanky and Alfalfa signed a contract with Satan for childhood success. They then founded Our Gang and began making the Little Rascals short films to undeserved acclaim from movie goers of the time and nostalgia geeks ever since.
I have seen the films they made, and I have marveled that anyone ever paid hard cash to watch these shitty child "actors" wander around delivering dialog even James Dobson would think corny in pudding commercial monotones. But now it all makes sense. It's a pact with Satan to mask the insipid nature of these films to the viewers. It's all so clear. I await with great eagerness similar biopic on the creators of South Park.
It's emocore. Ever heard it? Yeah? Then you know what this is, exactly what this is. What sets this band and this record apart from the rest of the fucking $green$ horde is that their album comes in a different package. Lets start with whiny vocals that become screams of anguish, but not for a good reason like the singer getting sliced with one inch cuts and then dipped in a vat of flesh eating virus infected shit. But because someone once told him he would get laid one day but now the truth is out. Add a metalcore band that is so insultingly hack you could have, and perhaps should have written and recorded these songs yourself from memory despite never having owned a Descendants CD in your life and having no musical ability whatsoever. Record with the studio recording program that everyone uses, throw it up against the wall and see if it sticks. Tired, boring, cliché bullshit. Keep it local, fucks.
What I want to know is what kind of fucking gang a whiny, half baked bunch of shitty suburban frat boys think they belong to, and what manner of dark oath they took to gain the notoriety of being exactly like every other goddamned emocore band in existence, 'cause fuckers, you got robbed. When you make a dark oath it's supposed to make you BETTER. You don't sell your fucking immortal soul to be a fry cook at Wendys. You sell it to become Megadeth! Then, when the contract is up you convert to Christianity and try to get your oozing asshole of a soul back from the Dark Lord. Have you idiots not been paying attention?
Bottom line... get the fuck out of music and life.
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