Dear Whoever
Sound The Trumpet
3.7
Synopsis:
Music for kids who can't get laid except by every other kid their age.
Review:
I was told by a fellow I work with that this stuff is all the rage with the kids™ these days. He laughed when I told him I was reviewing it for a Metal site. Even he didn’t regard this as metal, and he is a jazz/hip hop/rasta kind of guy who only listens to metal to keep his horizons relatively vast. He hates this genre, calls it emopoppunk and went on a two minute rant about how it’s everywhere he goes when he goes…wherever it is he goes… and how bad it sucks and how much he hates the people who listen to it when he meets them. I don’t know about any of that, but about the music itself he is dead on. It’s not metal and it sounds like bad versions of shit I was listening to back before Grunge took everything over. Grey Matter, 3, Dag Nasty etc. It’s Screamo, I guess is what all you stains call it. Whatever. What I hear is a horrible singer, a standard screamer, and a band playing weak Crumbsucker covers. And I am hating the experience like I hated my vasectomy. The only good thing about it is that it ends and hopefully it produces no offspring.
So anyone here give a fuck about this style? Then this is for you:
The production is crisp and clear; very professional. Compositionally the band treads the bleat and punch path without misstep. There are melodies wrapped around minor accented one note chunks as well as screams of the exact same manner and timbre of anguish as are found in every other screamcore song. Literally. Theory: There is one singer and one screamer in the whole scene and they appear on every album. The musicians are all competent, if it matters. There's guitars with no guts, wanting like crazy to just get over it and BE All instead of pretending at anything moderately Swedish. I hear punk rock drumming with Metal accents. Someone found the studio piano. Is there a dab of electronica? Check! But the clean singer is the real hero here. I remember my first Descendants album. Difference is they had a sack. Smally wants his style back. Fucking outstanding. I couldn’t give less of a shit about your pain when you artificially affect it like a ten year old tone deaf girl.
Bottom line: Perhaps it’s just age, but my gut tells me this is essentially the kind of bullshit parading as rock that I would have hated when I was a whiny fucking brat 17 year old. Back then I called it MTV/hair metal. You can call it emocore or screamo or whatever you want. And you can fucking have it. But I won’t ever understand how the fuck you found a site called Metal Review dot Com and figured it might be a decent place to read up on some reviews of music you like. If you really want to hear this shit done right, look up all the highlighted bands above. They make this feckless richbitchy horseshit sound like exactly that.
