Review of Metalium - Demons of Insanity: Chapter Five

Reviewing the latest Metalium album has been somewhat comparable to volunteering your services toward pity fucking a really ugly chick. You know you’re kind of obligated once you agree to it and just want to get it over with, but for some odd reason you just can’t seem to finish up. You actually begin to enjoy it and after awhile you start trying to convince yourself that ‘even bad sex is still sex’. Having a similar mindset with Demons Of Insanity, I thought to myself ‘power metal is power metal’. After repeated listens however, I decided that there was no possible way to talk myself into enjoying this and at one point I decided to pull out and pass this bitch on to a fellow MetalReviewer. In the end there were no takers, so I just had to strip down and take another for the team.

Remember that fine girl in high school that you always wanted to bang, but never had the nerve to approach? Years later you see her at the grocery store and can hardly recognize her because life and times have caught up with her. After giving birth to three beautiful children she isn’t so hot anymore, huh? It’s a damn shame, but it happens all the time. Well, Metalium was my high school crush in the metal sense, and Demons Of Insanity is Metalium at the grocery store. To some they may still be as attractive as ever, but they just don’t do it for me anymore. So I stand in the isle in dismay and savor the memories of how I remember them last, cause let’s face it, those days are gone.

Let’s get back to that analogy of ‘even bad sex is good sex’. Whoever came up with this way of thinking should be shot because it’s just not true. As most of us have all had some pretty amazing sex, many of us have also heard some pretty stellar power metal. Metalium’s first couple of releases (especially State Of Triumph) were like an uninhibited sexual rendezvous with Jenna Jameson and two of her hottest friends; Quite difficult to contain oneself without losing it before it was finished. In laymen’s terms – Orgasmic! Demons Of Insanity on the other hand comes closer to paying $34.95 for a monthly membership to Club Jenna. Yeah, it can be fun at times, but in reality it will never compare to the real deal. You can rub yourself raw but in the end you’re sure to feel as if you’ve wasted your money. The very same can be said about the album at hand. Demons Of Insanity will leave you sore and limp. If you’re looking for a good time, wrap your hands around State Of Triumph.

Release Details

Metalium

Demons of Insanity: Chapter Five

Comments

Related