The Nicaea Room
Bulletproof Benny Takes On The Yuppie Brigade
4.9
I'm only going to say this once. At least, today. When you decide to record an album, or to write a song - listen to it. That's all I ask. Listen to it and ask yourself one question: "does this suck?"
Blah blah blah, technical hammer-ons, blah blah bliggity blah, chugging mosh part, blah blah. That's what I hear from The Nicaea Room. Strained death metal inspired vocals with a hardcore twist, dissonant riffing, some nice basswork, and harmonics. It's really confusing to hear a band with so many time changes still remain predictable. When they aren't predictable, they're bad. The first track, "A Billion And A Half In Dreams", would've just stayed as some forgettable chaotic metalcore. But somewhere along in the songwriting process, some genius came up with the idea that the song might actually sound better with some horrid emotional singing. "Sleeping With The Piranha", the next little number, starts out sounding like it came off of a Phish record, and actually eventually sounds like they borrowed riffs from Nofx. Sometimes the songs turn into NWOBHM metalcore knockoff shit, but never fail to return to a contrived breakdown. I'm hesitant to say it, but I think The Nicaea Room may be contenders for the worst drum sound around. While the drummer isn't half bad, everything sounds flat and the kick stands out too prominently. "Quitter", quite honestly, is a fucking great hardcore track before it branches back into their usual tech styling. For some reason, the band decided a great way to end their release would be to conclude with some really shitty off-key singing - an out-take from their first track.
If you don't read anything in this review, read this. You don't need Bulletproof Benny Takes On The Yuppie Brigade. Your life won't be enriched by it, but at the same time, should you happen to accidentally buy it, you also won't be feeling too regretful. You will sell it later for crack money, or maybe one of those laughing skulls you can buy around Halloween. While The Nicaea Room explore a lot of different areas of heavy music, they have yet to hone their skills to write a memorable song. Or even anything I'd feel compelled to listen to if I wasn't reviewing it. So does it suck? Not more than most other things, but there's more than enough room for improvement.
