Tales From The Pit
Volume #5 (VHS)
10
Sean Killian is one conceited little fascist pig.
While you’re asking the purpose of that little outburst, our friend the Vio-lence frontman is one of the many high profile presenters of Tales From The Pit, the greatest video magazine you’ll ever get your filthy hands on. It’s not funded by labels, bands or corporate fuckheads: it’s just you, Jerry Allen and his shitty camera… Oh, I forgot to mention that it features an entire cast of awesome bands, live footage you’ll never see and more importantly – Rob Halford. Basically, it’s one fuck of a documentary made by the fans for the fans.
With the most beautiful start, this issue of Tales From The Pit jumps straight in with S.O.D, and gives a mini documentary for each band containing interviews, old footage, and clips of music videos peppered with funny clips in between. The S.O.D section for example, switches from Billy Milano to a bear mauling a nice old lady on some kind of pet show. Introducing the bands are Mark Osegueda from Death Angel who constantly seems to be laughing at his own jokes (though I gotta admit he’s pretty fucking funny.), the now deceased Paul Baloff and of course, Sean Killian who’s always happy to give his opinion on “jobless hippy bastards” and “scumbag professors who poison your children’s minds” before he goes off to interview Nuclear Assault and Kreator (sometimes continuing his intelligent political commentary in the interviews themselves). The best thing about “Tales” is that it basically guides you to the cream of the crop when it comes to metal… in a way they’re sort of telling you what to listen to but as all the bands on the video are pretty fucking cool there’s no complaints from me. From Halford to Morbid Angel, from Dio to Deicide and get this… there’s even a section on Witchery.
Also featured are the Boone Brothers, two unashamed redneck burnouts who finance their endless supply of weed and beer with their very own sport called “Brawling Broads”. To obtain their combatants, they turn up at trailer parks and get local female trash who genuinely hate each other to fight half naked. On top of that, they rate each broad with a “beer rating” (i.e. how much beer they’d need to drink before they considered nailing the chick in question – rather a lot for some of the candidates). When asked if they think their sport is in any way sexist, they retort with the notion that they’ve just “created a whole new fucking sport for em” and that it’s popular with the lesbian community who like to watch it while they err… yeah.
The best part of the video is definitely the footage and the documentary of the Thrash of the Titans show, a huge event in support of Chuck Billy which brought many of the old thrash bands back from the dead. You will never see footage of this anywhere else… because Jerry Allen (the producer) was responsible for organizing the whole event. It’s an exclusive look at the most ridiculously cool gig in the history of the bay area. You’ll also get to see Sean Killian perform some new Vio-lence including their positive and upbeat new hit “Fuck Peace”. (Because “war cleanses” as he says).
Last but not least, there’s a tribute to Paul Baloff which has a bunch of hilarious footage of Paul just…being himself and how his death has affected the rest of the bay area scene. Bring out the tissues.
120 minutes of pure fucking *metal*. Trust me, if you don’t buy it – someone else will. So don’t be cheap, fork out that measly 20 bucks so Jerry Allen can pay his rent.
