Elixir of Sorrow
posted on 8/2004 By:
Black metal. What is the appeal? It doesn’t die, and doesn’t change, so someone somewhere is really digging it. And digging it just the way it is…or was. Sloppy, thin, tedious. I do not pretend to get it.
Lunar Aurora is a black metal band, which means they are thin, sloppy and tedious. And they accentuate the tedium by writing songs that go on anywhere from 5-13 minutes. Songs that long are barely listenable even when recorded well and written by good composers. In the hands of this band they simply stretch on and on and on. And on.
The production is shit, but that is what black metal people want, so it’s probably a six in BM terms. The songwriting is tiring and sounds like a couple of million other BM bands, so in BM world it’s a six. The musicianship is simplistic and pointless - another 6 for the BM people. For the rest of us, my scores are probably more accurate. Generally, what you get are scary mood setters and long drawn out single idea, five note extravaganzas with some buffoon gurgling in a silly way and the most snort inducing keyboards since the last BM record I heard.
All in all I like my music more…well, everything. This record is annoying and stupid to me. It sounds just like forty or so other black metal records I have heard, and I am saying that from the standpoint of someone who still digs death metal. It does not move me, it does not excite me, it does not intrigue me. If it was paper I would wipe my ass with it. If it was a fetus I would abort it and strangle the mother and the father. If it was a flavor of ice cream it would be mackerel fester. If it were a person I would hit it with wooden furniture. If it were porn it would be Guys Gone Wild. But it’s a CD, so I will just break it and use the shards to create Christian icons.
Which means the BMers can add an unprecedented fourth 6 to it.
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