Leash Law
Dogface
4.5
You know, when I used to listen to a terrible band, I used to actually feel sympathetic and bad for them. But not anymore, thanks to the suicide-invoking vocal work of Wade Black (Crimson Glory). I have no sympathy for this man as what he does to music fans everywhere is waits for them to sing along to their favorite songs, then he flies over them in a blimp and drops a big diarrhea blast all over fans faces, into their open mouths.
Oh Black Lotus, why do you keep doing this to yourself?
Leash Law play heavy/power metal played at a galloping pace which really can't be taken seriously no matter how hard I fucking try. I never thought I'd be saying this, but the vocals are actually too dramatic for me. I've done better heavy metal vocals while smoking a joint in my friend's basement while his mom's asleep. Wade Black has a great vocal range...almost too good of a range. He goes so high to where it actually sounds bad - something that I didn't think could happen in metal. And maybe it's just me, but sometimes he even sounds off-key.
It's hard to accept that this album came out in 2004. You'd think some sort of progression would've been realized and made throughout all the years of power metal. Apparently Richard Christy (Death) and Emo Mowery (Nocturnus) play on Dogface, but it doesn't seem to mean anything once you hear the album. Ultimately, It means good drumming and shredding, but that doesn't make for a good song. Worst of all, there's dumb keyboards. Dumb fucking keyboards. They don't belong, get that shit out of there. They seriously sound like the demo music on an expensive casio. Don't get me wrong, I do like Bal-Sagoth and appreciate them for exactly what they are. But no, I don't want to hear this shit going on here. Holy fucking shit, listen to "Hail To Blood", a retarded snarling tribute to Julius Caesar with what sounds like computer generated back-up grunts if you want to know what I'm talking about.
And why the fuck you call your band Leash Law? Why not "No Parking On City Streets Past 10PM Law"? or "City Ordinance After 5 Inches of Snow"? "No Compose In Public Trash Cans", even. They could've at least made it a rebellious album against local county laws and included some articles about how animals shouldn't be made to wear clothing or some shit. Maybe an interactive DVD where you got to watch clips from various City Hall meetings. And Leash Law, why would you just throw in dumb sounds and other stupid shit over your music? It's not distracting me from the fact that you're really not playing anything good, it's just making me think an airplane's about to crash into my house.
The vocals really aren't what's holding this album back. It's bland songwriting working in conjunction with piss-poor taste in what simply sounds "good". Like the vocals. And the keyboards. And the songwriting. But god, yeah. Those vocals really tie the noose. Like I said, the guitarwork kicks some ass, but uh. I don't know, you may as well go buy a Joe Stump DVD and have a good time getting drunk to it.
